2. Ugly Ugly Little Face (You're too sweet...)

(Milan, Sempione Park)

- Are you going to give me that ugly ugly little face again?

- Ugly ugly in what sense?

- That slightly piggy-like grunt you make at me every now and then… There, good, like that.

- Gianni, do I have to have a jerk face in every photo you take of me?

- Honey, what you call a jerk face is the height of sexy. In this job, a slightly dirty face is the bare minimum.

- Yeah okay, a bit of a pig…

- Good, stay down, like this… touch your thighs… Higher up, don't be so shy: I remind you that we are taking photos for men's underwear, not for a convent school.

- Of course it's for men's underwear: I'm a male.

- Honey, you have no idea what effect you would have with a corset, garters and black fishnet stockings. Look, my blood boils just thinking about it…

- Rocky Horror Show effect, I'd say.

- Frank-N-Furter singing Sweet Transvestite… don’t make me think about it, that’s swoon-worthy!

- Yeah, I can't disagree with you: Tim Curry was really good in that role.

- “Strong”? I see you haven’t lost the habit of minimizing, honey. And stay still, stop scratching your legs… Raise your left thigh, open it a little, put your hand where you know… Perfect!

- Gianni, I'm starting to get fed up with staying still in this position: I'm practically naked, it's cold and there are even a few mosquitoes.

- Think about it, honey: if it's cold, how can there be mosquitoes? And it's still too early.

- I don't know what to tell you, they're still biting me.

- Because you're too sweet, they can't resist the temptation to suck you… I understand them, you know?

- But at least let me move to the sun!

- I can't, the light isn't right. Come on, we're almost done. That pissed off expression you have right now is perfect, keep it, like this... And try to have a little patience, for God's sake, I don't know if you realize you're posing for Calvin Klein! You shoot for the most exclusive brands and you're just getting started.

- And I'll stay there, at the beginning: I've already explained to you that I don't intend to make a career as a model. I just want to earn some money, that's all, and I'm succeeding, also thanks to you.

- You are crazy, my little face, crazy as a caribou in heat lost in the arctic paradise. But I will make you change your mind, you'll see.

- A caribou in heat lost in an Arctic paradise?

- Yes, why? The heat is perfect for the arctic climate.

- I understand, but what does it have to do with anything?

- Don't fancy caribou? Then a shrimp in love lost in the depths of the Indian Ocean. The harlequin shrimp is white with blue spots, a scary chic, and does spectacular love dances.

- Gianni, are you feeling okay? I think you're having a stroke.

- I always feel great when I see you, darling. Come on, stay down here for another five minutes and then unfortunately we're done. Would you mind if I offered you a spritz at Caffè Cavalieri afterwards?

- Thank you, I gladly accept, but then I have to run away immediately, because I have an appointment in Castelnuovo Don Bosco in the early afternoon.

- Castelnuovo? Are you serious? Do you want to put Castelnuovo with Milan?

- It's a very lively town, Gianni, not the usual mortuary. And then I have to meet a special person.

- A woman?

- No, a man.

- Eh, but that makes me jealous! A man… special? More special than me?

- It's nothing like you think: he's a friend, a guy full of initiative. We need to discuss business.

- Oh, okay then. You know what? I have a lot of males to photograph, but you are my absolute favorite.

- Oh gosh, I don't know whether to be flattered or worried.

- Worried, no, come on: I'm all talk and no action. I would never hunt my little lagoon nutria.

- What is the lagoon nutria?

- It doesn't exist, darling: it's a fantasy animal, like you. You don't exist either, you're just a projection of my mind.

- But why am I your favorite? I don't even know where to start to be a model.

- Precisely for this reason: you have that charming goose look that drives me crazy, you are always out of context in any circumstance.

- Lovely goose?

- Just kidding. I like to joke with you, you always fall for it. We're done: put something on that adorable, chilly tundra marmot fur coat and let's go to the cafe.

- Fur? But I have very little hair on me!

- Come on, move it: you're like the ladies, huh? You like to make the men wait...