My Story With Gianni (How did I fall in love with my photographer): June 2025

Wednesday, June 25, 2025

1.11. Meet Aaron - Part II (The end of a dream)

- Here we are in Montevecchia, guys: thirty kilometers from Milan, and it's like being out of this world!

- Fantastic, Gianni! It's really beautiful.

- I knew you'd like it, darling. Now let's get to work. So guys, now Aaron leans on the Smart with his left arm and looks out of the corner of his eye at Emmanuel who is lying on the hood of the car.

- Sorry, what the fuck am I doing lying on the hood?

- Do the sexy thing, darling, that's what you do best… Stop like that, good… Aaron, shake your hair and smile… you have the smile of a god…

(Noise of shots)

- Now take off your shirts.

- Do we have to take off our shirts? And why?

- Yeah, why?

- It's hot! Now stand next to each other, Emmanuel in profile, pretending not to notice the other, Aaron with his arms crossed with the look of a feline ready to pounce… Very good, that's it! You are gorgeous… Now, Emmanuel, lie down on your stomach on the hood.

- But again?

- No, love, not again: before you were on your back, now instead on your stomach. Which means with your bottom up, you know?

- Sure, right. Damn, it's hot!

- Put the shirt underneath, it can't be seen in the photo.

- Nice ass, bro…

- Thank you, Aaron.

- Now with the sanctuary background, guys: it's magnificent.

- What?

- With the backdrop of the sanctuary. Stop guys, the cyclists are passing by again… This place is a fairy tale, but it is literally infested with cyclists.

(Noise of shots)

- That's it, lunch break. In the afternoon we start taking pictures again, but this time with the mysterious pyramids as a backdrop.

- Which pyramids?

- There are pyramids of mysterious origin in this area: you will see them soon.

- Okay.

- Where are we going to eat?

- Let's eat at Pasqualino, honey: it's a very famous tavern in the area. They prepare excellent risottos: yellow risotto and sausage, risotto with porcini mushrooms, with rocket, with ossobuco… As you can see, there's food even for vegetoleens like you.

- Vegetoleens?

- Yes, why? Aren't you a vegetoleen? And then from the terrace of the place you can enjoy a spectacular view with a backdrop of Milan.

- You know what, Gianni? It's always an extraordinary pleasure to have lunch with you.

- The pleasure is all mine, guys. Let's go.

(They walk towards their transportation.)

- You're really cool, buddy, do you know?

- You're super cool too, Aaron, but unfortunately I'm strictly straight.

- Well, I'm strictly bisexual.

- Strictly?

- Yeah, strictly.

(Later, at the restaurant)

- What a fantastic view, Gianni!

- Yes, from up here you can see all of Brianza.

- You were right, it was worth coming here. And then we ate very well: I especially liked that cheese cooked in the pan, a real delicacy.

(A smiling young waitress arrives.)

- Everything OK?

- Very good, thank you.

- Would you like something sweet?

- Me, yes!

- Yeah, me too.

- As you can see, the boys have a robust twenty-year-old appetite

- I see… and "what" twenty-year-olds!

- Yep, not bad. What do you have for dessert?

- We have homemade desserts: I recommend the tiramisù, it's our specialty.

- Let's go for the tiramisu.

- What is “tiramisoo”?

- It is a spoon dessert, sweet Aaron, made with ladyfingers soaked in coffee and covered with a cream made from mascarpone, eggs and sugar, with some liqueur.

- Do you like it, Emmanuel?

- Yes, I like it very much: it's delicious.

- Delicious like you?

- Oh no, much more.

- I don't think it's possible.

- Oh well…

(The waitress arrives)

- Here are your tiramisù!

- Thank you dear.

(Shortly after, in front of the pyramids)

- A real oddity, don't you think? The shape of these hills has nothing natural about it.

- No, actually they are really strange.

- They look like step pyramids like those of the Aztecs.

- Yes, Aaron.

- But what do scholars think about it?

- They don't agree, little rat. Some insist that these are natural formations, but they don't look like it, especially since one of the pyramids showed clear traces of stone blocks assembled by humans.

- To me they don't seem to be of natural origin at all.

- A group of researchers from the Czech Republic have claimed that the pyramids are aligned with the passage of Orion at dawn on the summer solstice: like those of Giza, only these are much older.

- Older?

- Yes, marmot. Don't forget that we are only about eighty kilometers from the famous cave paintings of Val Camonica. But enough with the archaeological curiosities and let's get to work: I want you bare-chested again, but this time Aaron must hold Emmanuel in his arms as if he wanted to crush him, and Emmanuel must make that usual little face that he knows, a little scared, like a young girl at her first intercourse.

- Ooookay…

- Come on, Emmanuel, I'll hold you tight, tight.

- Don't overdo it though.

- Just enough to make you feel my body.

- Oh boy…

(Noise of shots)

- Fantastic, you two are so sexy. Aaron, bite his neck… like this… and you, Emmanuel, hold still for a bit, you're making my photos all blurry!!

- Hey, easy on the bites!

- I'll eat your neck like a vampire.

- Emmanuel, let yourself go in his arms… look into his eyes as if you wanted to enter his pants…

- In the eyes as if I wanted to get into his pants? Are you stoned?

- Oh listen, don't argue about everything! Today you're unbearable, you love marmot, you know that? It looks like a tarantula stung you, you even look bad in photos.

- Eh, it will be the comparison…

- Don't talk nonsense. Stop, like this…

- What is “love marmot”?

- Nothing, leave it alone, it's a bullshit that Gianni always tells me.

- Are you his boyfriend?

- No, I'm not.

- Better this way.

(Some time later)

- Alright guys, we're done: you were amazing, I can't find any adjectives to describe you. This photoshoot is the bomb, it's really going to make a splash!

- May I leave?

- Sure, love, but remember: come back to my office tomorrow, we're certainly not finished here.

- Perfect, that's what I was hoping for. And him? Will he be there tomorrow?

- No, he won't tomorrow. Maybe another time.

- I hope to see you again soon, boy: I like you very much. Let me hug you.

- Thanks, Aaron. Bye!

(Aaron hugs Emmanuel, gets on the Yamaha, starts the engine and drives off.)

- Shall we go, darling?

- Let's go.

(They get into the Smart. Gianni starts the engine and drives off. Silence for a few minutes.)

- Why so quiet?

- I don't feel like talking.

- Are you angry?

- Gianni, let's be clear: if you don't need me anymore, tell me to my face. You gave me the number of another photographer, I'll contact him.

- Oh no, darling, how did such a ridiculous idea come into your head?

- Eh, I wonder how it came to my mind. Tomorrow you see Aaron again because “you're certainly not finished with him”, while “maybe I'll come back another time”. Look, I understand English perfectly.

- But that's because with you I've already established a stable relationship, darling, while with him it's just begun and I still have to consolidate it. That's all.

- Oh, that's all.

- Yes, that's all.

- Do you think I'm an idiot? It's obvious from a mile away that you want to take him to bed!!

- Well, I don't deny that actually, if I could, I would like to. But unfortunately at my age, and with physical means, let's say, in the norm, I certainly can't aspire to such a lofty goal. Maybe if I were very rich, or very powerful... You know, guys like Aaron are sensitive to that kind of flattery. Let's say they let themselves be bought easily.

- Are you telling me that you don't sleep with him just because you can't, but if you could, you would?

- Of course I would.

- Ah. And what would Massimiliano think about it?

- Oh, he would understand: he cheated on me several times too. You know, in gay relationships, fidelity is a pure hypothesis.

- I mean, him yes and me no! I'm only good for sleeping.

- But why are you so nervous, darling?

- I can't have sexual instincts, no! Mine are something low and vulgar: you told me to go to the bathroom and jerk off if I really wanted to, do you remember? You offended me to death that time.

- It was just a tease, puppy: I knew perfectly well you wouldn't do it.

- But with Aaron it's different, I guess. With him you can.

- I've already explained it to you, I can't do it with you, because I have deep feelings for you.

- I see. And tell me, which of the two would be the male?! Because you know, I'm starting to suspect that that's the problem!

- You're off track, love: I don't like the passive role with boys.

- Gianni, you're shit!!

- But Mickey Mouse…

- Mickey Mouse my ass! You're kidding me, I can't stand it. Take me to my car, I want to get out of here asap.

- Baby, listen: it was purely theoretical. We both know that I could never aspire to a guy like Aaron. You, on the contrary…

- Me what?

- I saw how he hugged you, how he looked at you while we were taking pictures, while we were at the restaurant… And I heard his jokes about your little ass and how beautiful you are. Little marmot, he likes you!

- Huh. So what?

- Well then, go for it! You will never have another opportunity like this. Go for it in the arms of that wonderful elk from the Canadian tundra, and let him make you his! It will be a wonderful experience for you, and I will live it through you. And the erotic tension that will arise between my two arctic animals will be a formidable subject for my shots… But what are you doing?

- Stop!!

- Are you crazy? You open the door while driving?

- Stop this fucking machine!

- What are you doing? Are you vomiting?... Are you feeling nauseous, little one? Maybe I was going too fast on the curve…

(Gianni stops the Smart. Emmanuel jumps out of the car and runs down the road waving his arms and making the hitchhiking sign. The screech of a lorry can be heard.)

- Hey kid, are you out of your mind? I was about to hit you!

- Please, can you take me to Milan? Or wherever you like, just give me a ride.

- I'm going to Milan right now. Jump on. What's going on?

- Nothing, I was in the Smart with that guy, but…

- He put his hands on you, huh?

- No, not really. Please go.

(The driver restarts the truck. Gianni, incredulous and desolate, shouts from the window.)

- Emmanuel, puppy, love!

(Emmanuel sticks his head out the window.)

- What did you take me for, for a whore?? Guardian angel of a fuck!

- Where are you going? Please, come back here!

- Fuck you, Gianni. Fuck you!!

(The truck starts up again)

- “Puppy, love”… I get it, a serial molester.

- Eh, let’s call him that. Thanks for the ride.

- You’re welcome, boy.

(Gianni chases the truck, honking and calling Emmanuel. Emmanuel’s cell phone rings: he looks at the number and blocks the call.)

- And he insists, I see.

- Yeah, but I’m not going to answer. If you don’t mind, I’ll call home.

- You’re welcome, go ahead.

(Emmanuel dials a number)

- Mayra? I'll be back in a couple of hours. How did Bella do? I'm glad. I'm in pieces. Run me a hot bath, please. Don't worry, everything is fine… See you in a bit.

(He hangs up. Sound of the truck driving away, while Emmanuel cries).

THE END
(But will it really be the end?
Can Emmanuel and Gianni's story really end like this?...)

Friday, June 20, 2025

1.10. Meet Aaron - Part I (What a nice surprise...)

- Here I am, Gianni: I'm ready to go.

- Even early, honey! It's better this way, we'll have more time for ourselves. I'll put on my jacket and we'll leave right away.

- What car are we going with?

- What questions, puppy: with the Smart. Otherwise how can I photograph it?

- Ah, I thought it was already there.

- And how did it get there? With the power of thought? No, I went to pick it up personally yesterday afternoon at the dealership: it's parked a few meters from here, haven't you seen it?

- No Gianni, I didn't notice. After all, it's easily camouflaged, it's only half a car.

- Oh, again with this story of the car being sawed in two… You'll like it, you'll see.

- I doubt it, it's not my genre.

- Actually your genre is more like a slightly battered old off-road vehicle.

- Damn! My Suzuki is in perfect shape.

- Yeah, come on, I was kidding. Don't take everything personally...

- Well, well. I didn't think you were joking.

- Darling, you know it drives me crazy to see you arrive on the back of your old and faithful steed: you are my favorite knight, every time you stop under my window you give me a shiver of emotion.

- Will you let me know when you're done taking the piss out of me?

- How could I take the piss out of my little marmot? I wish I could... But we both know that's not possible and we love each other anyway.

- Yeah okay. But the surprise you were telling me about?

- It's waiting for us at the bar down here, my love. Come, you'll be amazed.

(They go down the stairs. Noise of cars and city traffic. They enter the bar.)

- Here we are, Aaron: are you ready to go?

- Yes, sure.

- Emmanuel, meet Aaron. Aaron, this is Emmanuel.

- Nice to meet you, Emmanuel.

- Well, little puppy, aren't you going to say hello to him?

- I... yeah, sure. Hi, Aaron.

- Shall we go?

- Let's go.

- I'll pay the bill, you can start going. Wait for us out here and follow our car.

- Okay.

(Aaron exits, Gianni pays the bill and exits with Emmanuel.)

- Aaron follows us on his motorbike: the Smart Fortwo, as the name suggests, is only for two people. After all, it's a beautiful sunny day and he has a Yamaha YZFR1 that is out of this world. I pay for his gas, of course.

- I understand.

- Come on, get in the car: do you want to drive or would you prefer me to drive?

- You drive, Gianni: I can barely fit in this thing.

- Exaggerated.

(He starts the engine and they take off. The Yamaha roars behind them. A few minutes of silence.)

- So, honey, have you lost your tongue? What about the surprise?

- I'm speechless, Gianni: he's a spectacular hunk.

- Isn't he creepy? He's a Canadian Métis, a Menominee to be precise, from the Algonquin family, so to speak. You know, they're famous for some of their crazy-beautiful traditions: for example, once a year two virgins marry fishing nets.

- In what sense do they marry them?

- Ritually, puppy: how else? Fishing nets, as far as I know, have no sexual organs. Then they cultivate the myth of the hero Gluskap, who freed the waters seized by the dragon.

- Do they use drugs?

- Their shamans certainly do, as do all sorcerers.

- No, I'm just saying in general: I've rarely heard more insane things in my life.

- Don't you feel captivated by these ancient traditions?

- No, I don't feel captivated.

- What a hard heart you have, my love: after all, I already knew that. However, that's not all: they make symmetrical geometric designs, for example double spirals, and their culture is centered on birch bark.

- Really exciting.

- All this however does not justify the permanence in the Canadian reserves of a star hunk like Aaron. He is of a suicidal beauty. Look at him now in the rearview mirror: Daniel Day-Lewis effect in “The Last of the Mohicans”, stops the heart in the chest.

- Yep. Truly breathtaking.

- And so he thought, rightly, of trying his hand at a career as a model and came to Milan. As soon as I saw his portfolio, I called the agency and said bluntly: “This boy is mine”. Imagine if I would let an opportunity like this slip away: this guy breaks the screen, he tears the lens apart.

- Undoubtedly. May I know, then, what need you had of me today?

- Love marmot, but what are you doing to me, are you acting haughty and offended? Are you angry with me because there is another beautiful in my life?

- Gianni, I simply asked you a question and I would like an answer: what purpose do I have today? Or if you prefer: did you make me come here just to show me your latest conquest?

- What if it were? I love sharing my stuff with you, you know.

- Thank you, but I ask you to keep some things to yourself.

- Come on, my little woodchuck, don't give me that ugly face...

- You once asked me to make an “ugly ugly” face…

- And in fact I still love it like crazy! I can't tell you what I would do to that capricious little mouth.

- Nothing at all, I'd say, judging by the night we spent together.

- Oh, that night… My dear puppy, I can’t forget it. But that’s because I love you: if I didn’t love you I would do the worst things to you, believe me.

- Curious logic, but oh well, I'll pretend to believe you.

- It's not at all curious. I think you're too young to have seen a film from many years ago, "The beautiful Antonio", based on a novel by Brancati: if you had seen it you would understand many things.

- No, I haven't seen it: I'll look for it somewhere and watch it calmly.

- But let's get to the point. No, love, I didn't bring you here just to show off my latest conquest, as you call it: you are and will remain my favorite marmot, so today you will take pictures with Aaron.

- I mean, let me get this straight: would you think of fielding two guys who are six feet tall to sponsor a city car the size of a mouse?

- Yes sweetie!

- What's the point? It's stupid, sorry to say: a really cool guy with a spectacular body goes around on a Yamaha, exactly like he does, not on a Smart! And on top of that with another guy? And what exactly are two like us doing together on a Smart?

- Don't you get it? It's a great publicity stunt! That's exactly what everyone will be wondering: "what the hell do these two have to do with the Smart?" And they will start to come up with the most imaginative hypotheses, eventually landing on the most obvious one: they're gay and they're there to have sex! And that's it.

- What? Are you out of your mind? Two people that tall having sex in a Smart? We couldn't do it even by reclining the seat, come on, what bullshit.

- Yes, darling. The absurdity is the key to everything: everyone will think of the terrible effort those two poor boys will make to undress each other in there, tearing their clothes with their teeth and banging their elbows against all the corners, and they will deduce that only a blind and overwhelming erotic passion can push them to knock down all those obstacles.

- Or, more simply, they will deduce that they are going to fuck in a motel and that's it.

- No, darling, because they can't resist: the urgency of passion has overwhelmed them. In short, an advertisement like this certainly won't go unnoticed. And then we'll play a lot on ambiguity: he's so dark and sinister, a young and beautiful demon, who holds a defenseless blond angel with an ugly ugly little face...

- No listen, Gianni, I don't want to do this bullshit: just think if my parents or Antonia see it...

- You'll make a lot of money, my love.

- Oh well, I'll have to work as a bricklayer for a while longer. I don't feel like prostituting myself.

- Sweetie, please don’t give me this grief… I already have the whole photoshoot in my mind, shot by shot. I really care about it, you know? For me it’s a great career opportunity. And the place where we’re going is fantastic, you’ll love it.

- Gianni, damn, you're really asking too much of me...

- Little little little maaaarmooot....

- All right, I don't want to disappoint you.

- I love you, little one.

- Eh, I love you too, otherwise I would have already sent you packing.

- Oh, one thing: Aaron doesn't speak Italian, so I'll have to address you two in English.

- It's not a problem, I understand it very well.

- If we have to say something personal we can do it in Italian, since he doesn't understand a thing.

- Agree.

Monday, June 16, 2025

1.9. L'amour est un oiseau rebelle (Emmanuel confides in Mayra)

Mayra throws herself down on the bed with all her weight, making me bounce with the shock, and begins seriously:

- Prins, we need to think more about garden plants: in the open area we still have too few.

- I know, Mayra: we've been focusing more on flowering and indoor plants, which are the fastest to sell.

- Yes, but those women your maman sends us also ask us for plants to put outside: today the sinhora Bòsoli asked me for a Mannolia, a Smanto, a Caprofolio and a Aloropetalo that I don't even know what it is: we have to give her an answer by tomorrow.

- So May, they are called Magnolia, Osmanthus, Honeysuckle and Loropetalus: you should try to learn them, the names of the plants we grow in the greenhouses.

- But I know them by their faces, not by their names.

- Faces?

- Yes, from the sight. So, what do I answer her?

- Tell her I'll get them as soon as possible: I know where to find them.

- Then I wanted to show you this catalogue here with some very nice new flowers…

She opens the catalog and puts it on my lap. I close it with annoyance.

- Not tonight, May: sorry, I really don't feel like it. We'll do it tomorrow.

Mayra, a little disappointed, puts the catalogue on the nightstand and folds her hands on her knees.

- There's something wrong with you, Manu.

- Oh no, Mayra, I'm just a little sleepy.

She looks at me seriously.

- We made an agreement, Prinsy, that you must not tell me lies, because I will know.

- All right May, it's a lie, I admit it, but you can't expect me to tell you about everything, even my strictly personal things.

- Okay Prins, then I'll leave you alone with your thoughts and your strictly personal things. You have the dog to keep you company, you don't need me.

She starts to get up, but I hold her by the wrist.

- No, please, stay. In fact, if you feel like it, maybe give me a little back massage: I really need to relax.

- Okay, I'll take the massage oil.

She goes to the bathroom to get the scented oil she uses for massages, an oil that is very light on the skin and leaves a delicious fragrance, that of Tiare, scientific name Gardenia tahitensis. As I take off my shirt and lie down on my stomach I think we should also get that plant, in addition to the outdoor shrubs requested by Mrs. Bòzzoli. That blessed woman has become one of my regular customers and is bringing me a lot of money, even though the bulk of my earnings for now still come from my part-time photography modeling.

Yes, photography modeling.

I think back to those two days spent at Chalet La Marmotte: they were among the most beautiful and intense of my life, and I still don't understand why. This ridiculous activity has become a kind of drug for me, because Gianni is the one photographing me and his photos reveal me to myself; I see myself through his eyes and he sees me as beautiful: this has generated a kind of emotional short circuit in me; probably, as he says, I fell in love with myself, like Narcissus. The fact is that I can no longer do without him: having him take pictures of me is an indirect way of making love , we both know it, and this complicity binds us. But that night I really wanted to physically make love to him, that is, according to his theory, to myself. I feel terribly confused, and even more humiliated, because it was he who prevented me, demonstrating a wisdom from which I am far removed. I would have done it, because I am an idiot and by now my brain has ended up in mush: I have not even considered the problem of the consequences, I have not remembered that, among other things, I am the father of a child, I have not remembered anything at all.

I feel like a boy with his first crush, and this is absurd from several points of view, even more so because he is involved with another man. I am terribly uncomfortable with myself, I would like to disappear and never let him see me again, cultivating the secret hope that he will miss me forever, but I can't do it: I desperately need to see him. Luckily for me, he behaves as if nothing had happened, with that surreal irony that distinguishes him, to which has been added a tone of benevolent and almost paternal affection that reassures me a little, and makes me feel a little like a worm. But I can't do without him, just as he can't do without me. We probably love each other, but we can't afford it.

On the other hand, for now, even if I wanted to do without it (and I don't), I couldn't: it's thanks to that clandestine activity that I'm paying back the loan to my father and Michael. The proceeds from the nursery sales, minus expenses, are barely enough to pay Mayra's salary, who in any case fully deserves it, given that she's making my greenhouses prosper and always attracting new customers. She knows how to deal with the ladies, she entertains them, she offers them sweets and coffee with her simple and relaxing chatter. Yes, relaxing: this is the exact term to define Mayra's effect on people in general. If I had to compare her to a plant, I would compare her to Cannabis: when she's around you immediately feel better.

- Lie flat on your back, she tells me, starting to massage my shoulders.

I moan with pleasure and well-being, despite my inner discomfort.

- Are you doing better, Manu?

- Much better.

- You've been all weird ever since you came back from the mountains.

- Yes I know.

- You don't want to tell me what happened? Maybe it's worse that you keep it all inside.

- Maybe. I don't know, Mayra.

- If you tell me about it while I'm giving you a massage, calmly, you'll see that afterwards everything will seem easier.

- Maybe. I'll think about it now, May. In the meantime, you massage me even lower, please.

- Lower where? On your legs? I'll get to those later.

- Further down on the back.

- On the butt?

- Yes, please. If you don't mind. I feel all tense.

- You can imagine if I'm sorry: you have such a nice ass.

She gives me a slap.

- Ouch, are you crazy?

- Don't get nervous, otherwise the massage will be too bad.

I lie down with my face resting on my crossed arms and close my eyes. The storm inside me seems to calm down little by little to the slow and lulling rhythm of Mayra's hand movements.

All the parts of my body relax and unwind, except one. There the storm continues, there is a strange agitation that depends on factors that are not clear to me: it is not possible that it depends on physical attraction, because I really like Gianni as a person, but it is not his body that attracts me: overall he is a handsome man, a middle-aged man who wears his years very well, but I am not normally attracted to handsome men, otherwise I would be attracted first of all to Carlos, who has all the credentials to exert a strong erotic attraction on anyone.

I am not gay in the classic sense of the term, I am not seduced by male physicality, just as I am quite indifferent to female physicality, unless there is something else behind physical beauty: Michelle was beautiful, but I was fascinated above all by her personality, so different from that of any other woman I have ever known. Even in the case of Gianni, although so different, it is the personality that fascinates me: consequently I do not see why it should be that part of my body that should react in that way, rather than my heart or my brain or both. It is all so incomprehensible that I feel truly disturbed: I finally decide to talk about it with Mayra, whose simplicity of soul and clarity of mind are usually a great help to me in these moments. I begin point-blank, without useless turns of phrase.

- I spent the night in bed with a man.

Her hands pause for a moment on my back, but then return unperturbed.

- Oh yeah, Manu? There's no need to tell me who you're with, I already know.

- With Gianni.

- Exactly, I already knew it. I told you you were in love with him, but you were angry.

- Mayra, it's all very confusing in my mind: I don't know if this strange thing can be called falling in love.

- And what do you call it?

- I don't know, I told you. I really like Gianni as a person, but he says that I especially like the fact that he likes me and that he's in love with me. Mirror effect, you know?

- Yes, I understand: that man is intelligent, he said something very true.

- But it's not just that, Mayra: I really get along with him. He's funny, witty, cultured, charming... And he makes me do things that I really like: he took me to high altitudes, you know, where there's only snow and a dazzling sun, a breathtakingly beautiful landscape. And we skied all afternoon, and then he took me to a restaurant and a disco.

- I understand very well, Manu: you are so young and you have seen very little, he makes you see so many new things and you are encantado. He makes you live the life of a princess.

- Why princess? Wasn't I a prince?

- No, with him you're really a princess. And then he makes you have fun and you really need to have fun, because you're living a hard life: you work three or four jobs to pay your dad and your brother back, you think about the baby, you go to Antonha, you try to get a degree, in short you do too many things and that's not good for your age, because at twenty you want to have fun above all else.

- Maybe you're right, Mayra, but there are people who go to war at twenty and support a family, while I actually need lightheartedness, fun. I'm very immature for my age.

- What war? It's not normal to go to war at your age! It's the powerful criminals who send young people to their deaths. At your age, it's normal to want to have fun, Manu. But go ahead: you got to the disco. And then what happened?

- Then there was some kind of fight and I wanted to beat up two idiots who made fun of him and called him an old faggot. They made me furious.

- That's fine, that's just like a real man. And after that?

- Afterwards we went to sleep at Chalet La Marmotte. It's funny, isn't it? He always calls me marmottino, and he chose a hotel with that name.

- Because he's in love with you. And after that?

- Calm down, I'll get there. There was only one room with two single beds, but the heating was off and I was a little cold…

And so, using the cold as an excuse, you entered Janni's bed.

- No, not with the excuse: I was really cold.

- Prinsy…

Okay, you're right: it was an excuse.

- I told you not to tell me lies: I realize it right away. Now turn around, I have to massage the front part.

- I can't, May.

- Why?

- Because I'm excited, I'm ashamed.

- And why are you excited, Prinsy? Because you remember that night?

- No, I don't think that's why. Maybe the butt massage, I don't know.

- Does massage make you excited instead of relaxed?

I snort impatiently.

- Mayra, these things happen, heh: I understand that you have no experience with these things, but I assure you that they happen to young males quite often.

- All right, but I don't get any effect from an excited maskieto like you. I've seen worse in life.

- Oh thank you, that's a really nice compliment.

- Oh no, I meant that it's just the two of us and that you don't have to be ashamed: there's no one else who sees you. Let's do one thing: I'll put a nice heavy towel on your belly and that's it, the excitement won't be seen anymore.

- You can still see it, huh! A kind of little hill under the towel.

- All right, we'll see the little hill, what's the problem? Come on, turn around: here's the siugamano, end of the problem.

- Thank you, May.

I lie on my back with my arms behind my head, staring at the ceiling.

- No, the arms have to be stretched out, otherwise I can't massage them.

- I stretch out my arms on the bed.

- We left off with you in bed with Janni. And then what happened to that poor little ass?

- Nothing to him, Mayra.

- Oh what great news. And why?

- Because in any case I wouldn't have wanted it either. It would have been a vulgar situation, absolutely unsuitable for a character like Gianni, even if...

- Even if?

- Okay, even if he does it with other guys.

- And not with you?

- No, not with me.

- It's definitely not that he doesn't like you, Manu. So, if he doesn't do it, it's because he respects you. He really loves you.

- I think so. In any case, I would have liked him to do to me… something else, that is.

- What else?

- Mayra, be patient, I can't call certain things by their name!

- Oh no? And why?

- Because as soon as he did it they seemed really ugly to me.

- Yes, that man is really smart, and he loves you, Prinsy: he said it precisely because he didn't want to.

- And so we stayed in each other's arms all night doing nothing and slept like that. End of story.

- That's a beautiful story, Manu! Really beautiful.

- Yes, May, it's a beautiful story, but now I feel like shit, because I would have done those things with him. And I'm not gay, Mayra, believe me.

- Well, I think you are a little gay, yes.

- No, it's not that. It's just that I don't care about the gender of the people I like. I mean, let's say I'm bisexual.

- But why are you sad, since nothing happened?

- It all happened in my mind, and what's more, that night of forced chastity made me realize that I really care about him, and he about me. But I don't know how to behave with him anymore, Mayra. We couldn't be together even if we wanted to, especially since he's had a partner for many years.

- He'll take care of it, Manu: he's a wise man, he knows how to behave.

- Maybe, but the problem remains. I feel bad about myself because I would have done those things, you know? He was the one who told me no.

- Yes, of course I understand. And I also understand why you're feeling bad.

- Do you really understand it? Then tell me, because I don't understand it.

- It's too easy to understand, Prinsy: he closed the door in your face. In a gentle way, but he closed it. And he closed it precisely because he loves you. You see Manu, what makes you feel so bad is that every time a man or a woman falls in love with you, they always run away. And you're left alone.

I am amazed for a moment by the ease with which Mayra gets her diagnoses right.

- Yes Mayra, I think it's exactly as you say. The only exception was Arianna: she even tried to kill me when I left.

- She didn't love you, Manu, she wanted you as something of her own: which is not love. It's something completely different.

- I know: it's a sense of ownership.

- But those who love you, Prinsy, always run away: they're afraid of you, because you make them feel bad. Not because of you, heh. It's like always having a stomach ache, in the end you can't take it anymore.

- Mayra, what you told me is terrible. And it's true: in the end they all push me away as if I were burning or had the plague, or something.

- No, the plague, but you do burn, Prins.

- And what do you know about it, Mayra?

- I know, Manu. It's easy to understand.

- So I have to stay alone for the rest of my life?

- But no, don't stay alone: just be friends, like with Carlos and me.

- Oh, thanks, May… Sure, it's much better than nothing, in fact it's a wonderful thing, but you're not taking into account the fact that I'm a twenty-year-old male.

She points to the towel resting on my lap.

- You mean it's his problem?

- Also, but not only. Loving is a global thing, that does not involve only him.

- You can also love without it.

And nothing, I see that Mayra is incapable of understanding that kind of problem. I sigh and arm myself with patience.

- Mayra, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't talk about things you don't know: you've never had certain experiences and therefore you can't know how they work. Take my relationship with Antonia: there was love, there was affection, there was feeling, and there was also, as was normal, a lot of beautiful sex. A real relationship is like that. I can't experience sex like an animal, I need to have a deep relationship with a person. If this relationship isn't there, or isn't there anymore, I prefer to do without it, because it makes me feel dirty. Do you understand now?

- Yes of course, I understand. Alright, the massage is over: put your shirt back on, there’s a cool breeze.

- Where do you feel the cool breeze? It's June, it's ridiculously hot.

- Put it back on anyway, it's not good that you're shirtless.

I put on my shirt. She picks up the catalogue I placed on the bedside table again.

- Now let's look at some nice plants together, so you can distract yourself and feel better.

- Okay, come on. But I already feel better.

- You've relaxed then.

- Yes, I relaxed. Thank you, Mayra.

- Nothing, Prins.

(The cell phone rings)

- And yet, if you wanted to relax, you should have turned off the phone: I always tell you…

- You're right. Okay, pass it on to me please: maybe it's something important.

- And maybe not, and you get nervous again.

She sighs and hands me my cell phone, which is ringing. I see the number and instinctively sit up.

- Hello.

- Am I speaking to the marmot nursery?

- Yes, Sir. What would you like?

- I need a luxury marmot.

I lower my tone of voice.

- No, sorry, we only have second-rate marmots here.

I hear him laughing on the other side. I want to laugh too, but Mayra is staring at me and won't move away.

- I'm not alone, I whisper to him.

- Do we have company, pup? And who are you with?

- With a friend.

- Ah, then maybe I'd better call you at another time: something tells me you're in bed.

- Yes, I'm in bed, but alone.

- In company but alone? Little rat, are you raving?

- I'll explain later, I can't now.

- All right, I understand - concludes Mayra, seeing that I am silent and procrastinating. - If you need me, I'm over there.

- Thanks, May, see you later.

She stands up and leaves the room. I lie down on my back on the bed and resume the conversation.

- I was with Mayra, a very dear friend. Now she's out, we can talk.

- And what was your very dear friend doing in the bedroom?

- She gave me massages.

- Oh, and you admit it too? What an unrepentant pig.

I laugh.

- But no, Gianni, it's nothing like you think: they were massages in the true sense of the word, the relaxing ones. She's very good at doing them.

- Maybe, but from a person like you you can expect anything. Listen, honey, I called you because I have a new commission: they pay well and there's a big surprise for you.

- A surprise? What is it?

- If I tell you before, it's no longer a surprise. Can you come to me tomorrow?

- Yes, of course, I'll make sure to free myself. Where are we going?

- Out and about, because we have to drive: the commission is for the launch of the Smart Fortwo.

- And what would that be?

- A car, love!

- I had come to that: but what kind of car?

- A mini car, that is, a super-utility vehicle ideal for city use: it was created by Smart, a joint venture between Mercedes-Benz and the Swatch watch factory.

- Oh yes, I think I saw it on TV: that little monster that looks like a car sawn in half.

- That's right, darling, but your definition is unfair and merciless: it's a very cute city car.

- It disgusts me. But it's okay, if they pay us for this...

- See you tomorrow at ten outside my office, then we'll head straight up the hill.

- But why on a hill, if it's a city car?

- By contrast, sweetie! It would be too obvious to set a city car in the city, right?

- Oh yeah, silly me. And where exactly are we going?

- In Montevecchia, about thirty kilometers from Milan.

- Why exactly there?

- Because it's a fantastic place, you'll see: it's on a hill, it has a magnificent view of Milan, a very particular microclimate and there are a lot of extinct little animals like you.

- Am I extinct?

- Of course, honey: you're the last of a very rare species of guacamole-eating groundhog, which means you're extinct.

- Too bad, I actually liked existing. Anyway, I had a puppy.

- Yes, that's true. In any case, several species that are extinct elsewhere survive in Montevecchia, including the Lataste frog, so it should be right up your alley; there's also a Lombard sanctuary and even Celtic pyramids dating back more than three thousand years.

- Enough said, I'm already excited.

- I thought so. And you'll be even more so when you see the surprise.

- I can't wait.

- See you tomorrow, little puppy. And don't be too much of a piggy, please.

- There's no danger, Gianni. See you tomorrow.

I hang up smiling and place the phone on my heart. Mayra, hearing that I've finished the call, goes back into the room.

- Would you like some pineapple juice, Manu?

- Yes, thank you, Mayra.

- I'll bring it to you.

- I see that, for a change, Bella has got up to follow you. Well done, Bella, you really are a faithful dog, there's no denying it.

Bella, mortified by my reprimand, comes back wagging her tail: I caress her on the head.

- Go, go… - I tell her magnanimously.

Mayra turns in the doorway.

- Anyway, Prinsy, excuse me for saying this, but you've become quite an idiot lately.

- I know, Mayra.

She sighs and leaves, followed by Bella.

I close my eyes with a feeling of profound well-being and dream of being in Gianni's arms doing what we did together that night: absolutely nothing.

Wednesday, June 11, 2025

1.8. Chalet La Marmotte - Part IV (Farewell to the Chalet)

- Come on, honey: what is this sweet something you want me to make for you? Give it a name.

- I can't do it, sorry.

- Okay, so I'll do it: would you like me to give you a blowjob? Or would you settle for a handjob?

- Gianni, what the hell, how do you express yourself? You're ruining all the poetry of the moment!

- In fact, it is prose, my angel, not poetry. Do you prefer scientific terminology? Do you want me to use Latin?

- No, thanks, forget it: it would be even worse.

- How do those sweet things seem to you now?

- Honestly, Gianni, you made them seem really squalid to me.

- Because they are, darling: just saying their name was enough.

- Gianni, I don't know what to say…

- Let's talk about homosexual relationships you've had in the past: how did you feel at the beginning?

- At least in one case I was full of enthusiasm. In the other it was a strange story, which fortunately translated into a great friendship.

- But you were the one who broke off the relationship in both cases, right?

- Yes, I broke it, or I caused the breakup.

- What went wrong in those relationships? And did that something that went wrong come before or after sex?

- After.

- See? You have already given yourself the answer. You are not made for this kind of experience, my darling, for everything that dirties you and brings you down. Your soul rebels and protests.

- But I'm not even made for the mediocrity of so-called normal relationships, Gianni: I tried and it went terribly. With girls I don't love I don't even feel anything physically, I get bored.

- Of course, love, because even those relationships bring you down, or rather, they leave you there: you are in matter and in matter you remain, you never take flight. And the soul needs to fly.

- Yes, that's exactly right.

- This alone should be enough to make you understand that we can't just have sex as if nothing had happened: for me, you're not a one-night stand, otherwise I wouldn't have all these problems, just like I haven't had them with others.

- But now you're making me jealous. Why did you do that to others?

- Because there is a beast inside me, like inside everyone.

- And this beast is not attracted to me?

- She's attracted, but I silence her.

- But why, Gianni?

- Because unfortunately I really love you.

- And why do you say unfortunately?

- Because our relationship can't become a stable one: if it were possible I would want it with all my heart, but it's not possible. There are a thousand reasons that prevent it: the first is the fact that I'm already with a man, who has been my partner for many years.

- Massimiliano?

- Yes. I cheated on him several times, just as he cheated on me: on top of that, he's bisexual, so there were also some women, a great humiliation for me. But we never broke up, because our bond is deep. If I were with you, I would be forced to leave him, because you're not an adventure like many others.

- Really?

- Really. The second reason is the age difference, which is huge between us. At your age you never take into account a whole series of things.

- Gianni, I don't care about the age difference, seriously: I love everything about you.

- Be careful, darling: you don't love me, you love the fact that I love you. That's very different. You desperately need to be loved, to be admired, to be seen for who you are: I see you exactly for who you are, and that's what you love, not me.

- No, it's not like that. What you say is partly true, but it's not just that: I love every wrinkle of yours, I love your slightly gray hair, I love the smell of your bitter aftershave, I love your smile, your surreal way of joking, of always being over the top, of flying over reality as if you weren't part of it. You have the charm and nonchalance of a gentleman from another era, a sort of Oscar Wilde.

Thank you for these beautiful words, darling, but you know, you like all this because for now I can still somehow keep myself together and seem like something decent: but in a few years the time will come when I will have to wear dentures, have terrible breath, be forced to go to the bathroom every two minutes because of prostatitis, or wear diapers and other degrading things like that. You wouldn't stand for them, and I would never accept inflicting them on you.

- Gianni, if one loves, one can tolerate this too.

- Tolerating is not loving, my dear, and I have no intention of being tolerated by you. I know too well what I'm saying, believe me. You see, I loved Massimiliano madly: he's a little older than me; I was a high school student when I met him, a fairly ordinary boy, while he was a wonderful '68 barricade rider with a black lion mane, he shouted "Free Vietnam" through a megaphone, he wore those checked flannel shirts that were worn by alternative people, with an eskimo over them, and I lost my head as soon as I saw him: love at first sight, the kind that kills you.

- Your Massimiliano reminds me a little of someone.

- One of your exes, I assume.

- Yeah.

- But now many years have passed, he has gained weight and become saggy, he has lost a lot of hair, he should decide to get dentures, he is always in a bad mood, he is angry with the whole world because 1968 didn't change a damn thing and he paints horrible pictures throwing buckets of red paint in the faces of the Madonnas of the Florentine Quattrocento, a horrifying thing that simply expresses his anger and his frustration. I, on the contrary, live for beauty, I photograph subjects like you, medieval churches and castles. I deeply respect beauty, I would never allow myself to deface or ridicule it. In my opinion his paintings are disgusting, even if I would never tell him so. Luckily the critics like them.

- I understand, Gianni.

- Anyway, I still love him, little marmot, but only because when I met him he was so different: if I knew him now I would run away, and believe me, it is terrible to say something like that about someone you loved so much. When I look at him I try to see my great love again climbing the barricades with his magnificent black hair in the wind and the megaphone in his hand, but every day I have a harder time remembering him like that. Besides, what do you want, I certainly can't leave him now that he's aged and ugly.

- Of course, Gianni, you are absolutely right. The problem is all mine, and it is a problem as big as a house.

- Meaning what?

- I have experienced sex in a sublime way, and I miss that so much. I especially miss abandoning myself completely, as I did in the early days with that woman; I miss letting see what I have inside, letting see what is beautiful in me and that emerges especially in those moments. Or rather emerged: it hasn't happened for a long time. I can't let myself go anymore, but I feel like I desperately need it.

- I totally understand your mood, chick.

- I was hoping… or rather, I was sure that with you it could happen. You are the right person to appreciate these things and I would have really liked to let you see them.

- Love, I am without a doubt the right person to appreciate your beauty. But you see, I have no need to prove it physically: I know how you are in those moments, I don't need to see you. I know that you are beautiful. I see your eyes getting lost, I hear your sighs, I see your mouth opening in a smile as if you were crossing the threshold of Heaven to throw yourself into the arms of an angel.

- Yes, I feel exactly like that in those moments.

- Listen to what I tell you, darling, and never forget it: if now the two of us can stay embraced like this in this bed all night, you will carry with you for the rest of your life the memory of a great love. Otherwise we will destroy everything in exchange for a few moments of pleasure.

- I feel like I'm experiencing the finale of Plato's Symposium.

- Yes, I know: the night of Socrates and Alcibiades, “golden weapons for bronze weapons” and so on. But that’s exactly how it is, love, believe me. And now close your eyes and imagine that what you desire is happening right now. I see you and I hear you, you are not alone.

- Yes, Gianni… it's happening… and it's... beautiful…

- I know, my angel… I feel it.

- (The next morning, as the two walk through the snow toward the car)

So, how is my little marmot feeling this morning?

- Very good: fresh and rested.

- I feel great too, darling, because now I'm sure we can see each other again. It would have been a disaster for me not to be able to see you again.

- For me too. Thanks for everything, Gianni: it was a beautiful experience.

- You're welcome: thanks to you…

- (They get in the car and leave)

I'll be back in France next week for another photoshoot, this time on the French Riviera. Swimwear.

- Oh yeah? And with whom?

- A couple of interesting males. Brunettes though: they have to be tanned, and with skin like yours it takes weeks to get anything resembling a tan.

- You'll find some excuse to stop and sleep there, I suppose.

- I don't know, maybe. It depends on what time it is.

- Gianni, damn…

- Yes sweetie?

- I hate you.

- Why?

- Leave it alone, you understand perfectly well.

- Don't worry, little marmot, I won't do those bad things you're thinking.

- Oh no?

- No.

- And why?

- Because my heart is already busy.

- Of course, I know: with Massimiliano.

- No, love. With you. But don't tell anyone.

Sunday, June 08, 2025

1.7. Chalet La Marmotte - Part III (In bed with Gianni)

(Later, in the room)

I didn't bring my pajamas of course, the night stop wasn't planned. I have to sleep in my underwear and a t-shirt.

- Me too, darling: we'll get over it. Besides, the sheets are very clean.

- It's not that, it's just that I feel a little embarrassed in my baggy T-shirt and my underwear: I'm wearing my usual cotton boxers with the blue ducks, I know they look pathetic.

- They look great on you, chick: they are so cute. And then you are fine with anything.

- I wear very modest underwear, I don't care about these things. You on the other hand have very elegant underwear, a matching t-shirt and shorts, black with white and silver piping.

- Yeah, I like to treat myself well. It's Calvin Klein.

- The one I did the underwear shoot for?

- That.

- You have a practically perfect physique, lean and muscular: you don't have an ounce of belly.

- Are you trying to tell me in a nice way that I'm still pretty fit for my age?

- No, I'm saying you're fit overall, not "for your age."

- I try not to let go, my boy.

- It's not warm in here at all: I think I'll keep my socks on. Loose underwear and wool socks, I must be really ridiculous.

- Anything but ridiculous, believe me. Now let's get under the covers and have a good night's sleep.

- All right, Gianni. Good night.

(Silence)

- Gianni…

- Yes?

- This summer duvet is a little too light, don't you think?

- Yes, it's a bit chilly.

- I would say cold: yes, it's May, but we are in the high mountains and the heating should be kept on at night too. On top of that, we don't have pajamas. I thought...

- Did you think?

- Here, I was thinking we could push the loungers together and keep each other warm a little.

- Are you that cold, little sparrow?

- Yes. And then I feel alone.

- Alone? What do you say: if we are here together!

- Just physically. You treat me like a stranger.

- I don't treat you like a stranger at all: I treat you like a baby marmot who needs sleep so he can wake up rested tomorrow morning.

- Yes, but baby marmots have fur: we should have brought a couple of fur coats to the room, instead of leaving them all in the car.

- I think you're exaggerating a bit.

- I don't know what to tell you: despite the socks, my feet are freezing.

- Maybe you got too cold when you were changing your furs bare-chested at three thousand meters. My fault.

- But no, it's not your fault: I'm just very sensitive to the cold.

- You don't have a little fever, do you?

- No, no fever: apart from the cold I'm fine. Just a little stomachache because of all that alcohol. I'm stupid, I know I shouldn't drink so much: in the past I've had some pretty serious liver problems.

- Hepatitis from injection, little sparrow?

- Gianni…

- I thought so. You have to be careful, darling, you are easy prey to all the seductions, it is easy to push you to do the wrong things. Why did you never tell me about it? I would have stopped you from drinking spirits. Anyway, if you have a stomachache, you really need to stay warm. Listen, the sunbeds are quite wide, almost a queen size: there is no need to push them together, there is room for two. Come on, come here.

- Can I really?

- Of course you can.

(He slips into Gianni's bed)

- I feel much better now. Can I stay like this or does it bother you?

- Of course you can, angel.

(A few minutes of silence)

- Gianni, I have to ask you something.

- What?

- I don't know if what you told me was true. You said you were in love with me, but then you forgot about it within a few hours. I mean, I didn't understand anything.

- I said some nonsense, little puppy.

- What nonsense? That you loved me?

- No, that I forgot. Obviously you can't fall out of love in a matter of hours.

- But then…

Yes of course darling, I'm still in love with you.

- Gianni, I have the impression that you really love me, and I hope I'm not wrong.

- You're not wrong, actually: I have feelings for you that are quite rare in their kind. Not the usual crush, I mean.

- Really?

- Really.

- So I want you to know something: I feel them for you too.

- This is very generous of you.

- Why do you say generous? There is no need for generosity to love you: you are a special man, intelligent, attractive, charming, cultured, witty... Completely different from all the other people I have known. And then you have that surreal irony that makes you absolutely irresistible.

- Irony is necessary for living, my angel: if you take things seriously it's over. It's all so terribly sad and mediocre, everything so gray... And you are a ray of light, I can't help but love you.

- You always say beautiful things to me, Gianni. Thank you. You have no idea how much I need it.

- That's what I think, honestly.

(A silence)

- Gianni, if you want, I'm ready.

- Ready for what?

- Ready to do whatever you want. Now.

- What do you think I want, little marmot?

- I don't know… I thought… well, I thought you wanted to make love to me.

- Of course I want it, my little one: I'm wanting it with all my being, and believe me, I have to exercise considerable self-control not to let go.

- You don't have to exercise any self-control, Gianni: just let yourself go.

- I cannot.

- You can't? But why?

- Far be it from me to be a moralist, that's not my style: that's not the point. I want to be absolutely honest with you: this is not the first time I've come here in the company of some male, and we actually had sex.

- Here, you see? But then…

- Be careful with my words, honey: I never use words at random. I said we had sex. I have no intention of having sex with you: it has nothing to do with how I feel about you.

- Gianni, I don't understand: I've always thought the opposite, that is, that loving a person is the ideal condition for having sex. In fact, I think it's the only one: sex without love is squalid.

- Of course, chick, but it depends on the circumstances: in this case, if we have sex, we destroy everything and we will end up never seeing each other again. Is this what you want? Mind you, if you say yes, I'll do as you wish, because I would never want to see you again if you told me that you were okay with something like that, and then we might as well have a memorable fuck and leave it at that.

- No Gianni, absolutely not. I don't know what to do with the memorable fuck, if we never see each other again.

- Well then, my little face, we have to continue to be like this, just hugging each other.

- But why? I really don't understand your reasoning. I really want it, I wouldn't feel forced at all.

- Baby, I know that at your age you have strong sexual instincts, but believe me, it's not really the case that you vent them on me. Better alone in the bathroom, instead. I'll wait for you here.

- What are you talking about, Gianni? You make me ashamed! I would never do something like that. I'm not a beast, huh, even if you keep comparing me to all the little animals you can think of!

I imagined so, because deep down you are as candid as an angel.

- No, you're wrong: I've done some pretty dirty things in the past. And it's not the first time I've had a homosexual relationship: I've already had two.

- I imagined this too. The conversation is timely, then we'll talk about it again.

- Gianni, seriously, I don't understand why I can't do it with you: you're the only person I would do it with right now. I loved a woman very much, the one with whom I had my son, but I can't love her anymore, because she humiliated me.

- It would be strange if it were the other way around: you can't love someone who humiliates you.

- Exactly. I'm still fond of her, and to tell the truth I have sex with her every now and then. I like it physically, but every time I feel dirty.

- It means you are healthy: healthy in soul, I mean. It is the soul that loves, not the body, and if the soul sees the body doing bad things, it feels bad.

- Yes, that's exactly it. Instead you make me feel special and beautiful, I feel like I'm flying when I'm with you: so why is it wrong for us to have sex?

- Listen to me, sparrow: I told you before that you have to use words appropriately. You too studied classical studies, so you know it. Things should always be called by their name: otherwise, as Orwell and Epicurus teach, the perception of reality is completely altered.

- Yes I know.

- So give things a name: what is the name of the thing you would like me to do to you now?

- Here… definitely something non-violent, non-vulgar.

- Try to give it a name, darling: what do you call that something non-violent and non-vulgar?

- Gianni, I… sorry, I'm embarrassed.

- And then you didn't tell me what you want, but what you don't want: basically you're telling me that you don't want me to abuse your adorable little ass, or am I wrong?

- No, you're not wrong. It wouldn't really be in keeping with your character, even if...

- Even if?

- Well, I guess it wouldn't be the first time you've done this, since you used to come here with your little friends.

- Of course: the animal in me has often taken over. But is that what you want?

- No, Gianni: this would degrade your image in my eyes. It hurts me even to think of you doing these things with other boys.

- Perfect. So tell me what else you would like me to do to you, or what you would like to do to me.

- Gianni, damn it, you're crucifying me.

- Crucifying why? Because I force you to call a spade a spade?

- Yes I know, you're right. I'll try to answer: I would like you to make me something sweet.

- Sweet. Yes, I understand. But let's give this something sweet a name.

- Do I really have to?

- Absolutely yes, otherwise you don't look things in the face.